Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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