VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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