i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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