my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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