Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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