I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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