i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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