There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
