I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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