so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
