The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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