There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Too much gin, very little bucket
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
