Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
