He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
