Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My dick has a subreddit
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
