I'm going to jail i love you
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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