Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
