So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
