I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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