i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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