considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
