she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
