Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
