Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
