Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
