How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
