She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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