I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
