I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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