im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
