This dress was meant to end up on your floor
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
