Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
