Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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