God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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