There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
