I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
