READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
