Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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