I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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