Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
