I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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