sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
