smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
