I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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