The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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