I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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