nut hugger
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
