just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
