I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Randomize
