I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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