1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it was like his penis was on wheels.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
