I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This is my gift to your gina
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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