I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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