he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
