Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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