you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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