its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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