I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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