Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
