if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I need water and some morals
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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