just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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