Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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