it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
babies were throwing up all over the place
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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