yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
