Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
the raccoons are back...
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