Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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