There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
