yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
