I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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