hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
