Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
