after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
