I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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