it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
