You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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