if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
