i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
