I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You brought string cheese to the strip club
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
