Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
