Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
