Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
